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Happy New Year December 29, 2014

Posted by shelleygblog in Uncategorized.
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There are a million ways to break a heart between sometimes and always, between attachment and abandonment, between possibility and probability. I am amazed how writing follows the patterns of my heart and my head…divergent, scattered, a windfall, then nothing. My heart desperately wants to lean toward the always, the daily, the habit, the knowing but my head knocks against the sometimes, the infrequent, the not at all, and my body follows in abandonment of all I find comforting, exciting, or tied with a joy ribbon. I used to pull the ribbon, full of anticipation for the possibility of what lie ahead. Lately, and with the word “no” playing a redundant melody in my passing lane, I am intimidated by probability, so I leave the ribbon unattended. Just like my writing. The words must hide in a box under an old tree with faded trappings. My resolution for this year, any year, any day the tide will turn and come in are this: pull the ribbon. Watch it fall. Breath. Maybe twice. Find the courage to open the box. Even if the tiny, twirling dancer sings “no”, pull her off the miniature stage, toss her beneath the rotting leaves, her hair is faded orange, her costume barely bathed in pink. She can dance one last dance then rot. The box no longer has to be perfect. The faded satin still holds all the trinkets of your fortune. Look. Quiet the head. Double wrap the heart. Prepare for the inevitable no. Then ask a new question. Dig up a new treasure. Reline the faded crevices. New dreams are ready when I finish crushing the old nightmares.

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