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I’ll Let You Know December 31, 2014

Posted by shelleygblog in Uncategorized.

When goals are unmet, dreams unrealized, do we change what we want, or do we merely stop wanting at all? Through a treacherous eating disorder I learned that eventually the physical body travels both these paths. Restriction of forbidden foods, those loved, dangerous by virtue of some sugar or fat content, or simply too difficult to stop eating are eventually replaced by safer cravings. I suddenly only wanted salads, a bit of fruit, only the whites of the eggs. I was emotionally satisfied with my limited, allowable menu. Eventually, those harsh limits caused my body to stop wanting at all. Hunger pangs disappeared, hair growth, dulled reactions, and hyper energy conservation protected my frame and I was able to go through the day not feeling nutritional need at all. The chocolate chip cookies, gooey brownies, the aroma of theater popcorn, or spicy street taco lost all power over me.I was immune to both the joys and the miseries of food. Nothing short of a miracle could shake me from an empty form of peace.

Emotionally, when many of our possibilities turn to no, do we change what we define to be our happiness goals, or do we give up, lose our desire to attain personal goals, and only tend to the ones forced upon us by outside forces such as jobs, partners, or children? I have often changed direction, aimed my arrows at different targets when the initial arc was either truly unsustainable, not actually in the best interests of myself or those I love, or required a path not usable to lack of resources. For example, a couple unable to have biological children must choose differently, either lifestyle or means of achievement; an abused spouse must abandon a marriage or abandon self worth; an injury forces one to reroute their professional sport’s team desires. A multitude of brambles may cause a change in course.

So how will 2015 progress? New goals? Happiness there? More roadblocks? Weariness or new reserve? Will I succeed, give in, or give up? Tell me your story, and I promise (one I know I can keep) I will tell you mine.
I look forward to travelling with you. I hate going it alone.



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